Hellooo, everybody it's me RajaNo1 the world's most famous Stalker and Mirpuri!!
I have just been digging around for the 'real' reason as to why my mates Chris Moyle's book is just not leaving those shelves.
Right! (Sick of this, but for a mate, the one whose Leeds accent I copied back in the 'day' I am willing to leave the sEx dUngEoN)
The reason why Chris Moyle's can't sell a book
by RajaNo1
25 Cromwell Street, The United States of America
Introduction
''Synopsis : Superman was a hero. Clark Kent was a geek. Spiderman saved lives. Peter Parker sold photographs to his local paper.Chris Moyles entertains 8 million people each week on BBC Radio 1. Then he goes home and plays Xbox on his sofa, wearing only his underpants. Welcome to the real world of Chris Moyles. This book tries to get to the bottom of the double life of this award-winning broadcaster and hapless human being. You'll find out just what he thinks of his radio show guests - some of the most famous people in the country. You'll hear about his showbiz nights out and celebrity neighbourhood. You'll also learn why he is obsessive about washing up; why he lies to the pizza delivery man; and generally what it's like being a part-time famous person and a part-time nobody. Love him or not, Chris Moyles is part of the fabric of our nation and a proven best-selling author. A refreshingly honest, caustically dry and quick-witted commentator on daily life, "The Difficult Second Book" is a highly entertaining read from start to finish. '' An excerpt synopsis taken from the WHSmith WEBSITE.
RajaNo1 Says: Well the synopsis is all wrong for a start. Chris can you have a word with your proof readers, if you have one, as well there completely out of touch. Do you think that the type of reader that will buy your book (your z list celeb mates like me RajaNo1 will really understand what the word caustic really means?) I mean also, when you think of the name Chris Moyles do you think that the word 'caustic' really comes to mind to the average Radio1 listener? Come on Moylesley (which is why I like you, as it reminds me of Mosely, and mummy's magic powder) you can do better than that. I did a brainstorming diagram and these are the words that are connotated with you 'Pavarrotti, Doner Kebab, Can of white lightning, Racist, Pizza Deliver Man (you got that right) and my all time fave : you fat lobber' They love that word in Bearwood, near West Brom way.
I can't do anymore, as my brain is really, really hurting but here's another tip : More pictures to break up the text, as they say that thick people (the type that listen to your show, and not the ones who switch you off and are resorted to turn to commercial radio for some audiocratic stimulation)(pun machine me, that combined with my Bernard Manning style of presenting, and I might one day be a real funny person) can't get through two sentences of text without needing a mental break (see I told you I care, keep explaining things to you all, got to help Crayola you see xxx) If in doubt, break into a Leeds accent, or see the SUN. Mrs West says that you should a insert a few butterfly pictures in between the sentences. Oh and less pictures of you fatty, you want people to buy the book don't you lobber. Ask the Photographer to shoot you from a bird's eye view of something, and just your head, a nice artistic shot...or maybe we can block out your pic Iranian style...censorship for the good of whole mankind. Yeah, that's better, we don't need widescreen after all then.
In fact I'm soo angry at you Fatso, that I would go as far as to blame you and you only for the dire state of soceity, as if you represent the so called 'youth' of today, well then we've got some real problems haven't we, lobber (and now that word hurts you). 'Fabric of soceity' we will need a lot of fabric then won't we...and best to keep away from anything exotic as well not that you could tell the difference anyway.
Anyway, back to my sEx dUnGeOn...you can 'try' your hardest to get me back tomorrow aswell, but don't warn me next time by putting on a Kanye West track or something.
Bye Bye
Signed
Mr Mangla Dam
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