Hello it's me RajaNo1 the undisputed King of the Mirpuri's..
I've decided I want to be a Mirpuri today after listening in to my mates Khaleel and Shafiq -ul- Zaman Gori on RadioXL...
I was soo happy, me and mummy danced in the Kitchen, and we felt so free. .., but it's getting harder and harder to prove I am a 'real' bonafide Mirpuri, as Mummy's ditched the Parandha, she snipped off her hair and swapped it in exchange of some golf clubs, when we moved into the Taj Mahal of Moseley....but it seems someone is after my title that i have fought long and hard for! I am the true King of The Mirpuri's!
Yes, it's true, my whole demeanour saddened, and a rain cloud entered my mind's eye...It seems that the 'real' King of the Mirpuri's is back, and he's making a guest appearance at none other than 'Pak Supermarket'!!!
How could this happen to me? I mean I've spent so much time 'stalking' people, and doing the usual typo Paki male stuff they do, such as discuss cleaning detergents on my Radio show, then all of a sudden try and morph into a real man, and tell Pauline Fowler she's got a face like a slapped arse, which is what all 'real' men do. ..well that's what all the Pakistani typo men do anyway, and I was just following their lead, that's all (I'm putting on my meek voice now, but I think I'll ditch the crocodile tears, until Mummy's mates return, and then I'll threaten to kill myself again, to get some more attention)
I'm so threatened by the real 'King' of the Mirpuri's return, that I'm just beside myself, oh well I know what will cheer me up, I'll just check to see what Shaerzzzad is doing, even though she tells me to 'fock off' generally every two minutes, but I know that she is concealing her true love for me, and if I wait around long enough, I'm sure she'll one day change her mind (in the meantime, I can pretend it's the other way round)
You see this is the problem, the reaction the 'real' king of the Mirpuri's, the 'Prince of the Pathoir' has on all the Pakistani's....it's phenomenol (one of my Grammar School words, which I take great pride in).................................... Until now, I've usurped his title, but he will be back, and I don't like it one bit, as I've fooled all the Pakistani's, and also managed to fool unsespecting White folk, that I 'really' have this effect, but what they don't know is that there is a vaccum in their hearts, and I try to fill it with all my usual dross, and crap...and they let me into their hearts, because 'Kameez teri kalee Attahullah Khan Essakhelvi' has dissappeared. (See i told you that us Mirpuri's invented the Double Barrell name)..and I'm the only Mirpuri they can trust, well sort of anyway 9especially when I put on my sensitive voice)
I mean I even went as far as call myself 'RajaNo1'..so sure was I that he will never return, but the real King is back for his worldwide Supermarket tour...what will I do? He doesn't even bother with the 'sewing' factories..so me and mummy can't even lure him into our web, and pretend to befirend him, and then stab him in the back when he is not looking...
Oh well I can try and bake a cake, because my life is so drab, and even my much coveted title of 'King of the Mirpuri's' is about to slip away from my finger licking good fingers..which are not fish fingers by the way...humph (I said the last bit in my really violent voice, the one that makes people think that I have the upper hand..well it works on Wax and Pushpaben anyway)
Oh dear, all this 'King' talk is really getting me down...as my act is beginning to dimish..I can't even sing the 'show must go on' song, because of the threats from the hereafter..
Signed
The Village Idiot, and 'not the real King of the Mirpuri's'
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