Here is a not very famous pic of Dannii Minougue in her 'Can't sell any records phase, so I'll copy Natalie Imbruglia, that other Australian, yes, that's genius idea' phase. Dannii Minogue famous for records such as......................................(please fill in the gap if you can genuinly think of one record she has recorded which was any good...actually..if you can think if one record at all)
(hello.... It's Dermot also suffering from the Wanda effect)Hello I'm Dermot O Leary, you may know me be my guest 'appearances' on shows like Big Brother and X Factor, where I'm handed a mike for ten seconds and I get the privalege of pretending I'm a TV Presenter. I know, but I'ts ok..to dull the pain I can try and sneer at others like my bestest pal RajaNo1, who is nearly as brain dead as me. Yes, whilst I was busy pretending to be really clever, I made the fatal mistake of making a gag, invloving the song 'I should be soo lucky'! Luckily, Kylie's sister Daniel Minogue, needs a bit more publicity than me, as was therefore happy to oblige with me and my joke. Here's me and my crew, a place where I feel 'safe'...but not that 'safe' as you can see by my pose.
Haha! We thought we'd make fun of Shazaerazaad, and her 'no boyfriend' epidemic, which is more of an issue to us than it is to herself, but hey..so sorry it's the only think we can fall back on to make our pathetic excuse of a life, seem slightly more bearable. Anyway,we thought we'd be really clever and sing 'I should be soo lucky' referring of course to Shaherzaaad, and then laughing on queue. Even lip gloss lips joined in today, but these days she pushes the hair all back, realising that yes, it is a lot for the viewing public to bear...oh and she's stopped laughing like a crazy woman these days...I think she's been having some speech therapy, along with 'standaaaard' Nihal. who has now moved from South London to East London, and become a very crap Cockney.
Anyway, it was oh soo funny, but in rehearsals, we forgot to realise (because we are all clearly brain dead) that if you google in the word 'Dannii Minogue' on the internet, the search engine brings up a words which match the word 'dannii'....mostly the words 'Barren, spinster, and very, very old'
If only we had played a word association game like our mate Raja : we could have come up with those words ourselves, and also maybe if we had stretched our imagination, just a teeeny weeny bit we could have come up with a few 'ideas' ...yes original ideas, now that's a word you won't hear anytime soon on T4.
We would have also noticed that Dannii new look was very 'wannabee Elvira'...but hey, we can't think that hard, our brains begin to hurt, and there's nothing in our contract that says we have to think...just read and talk is fine...yes, Wannabee Elvira, she clearly doesn't have the 'fake' breast match just yet...but another year with X Factor and her crap judging and maybe this dream will come true. 
Anyway, if we had used our brains a little bit more, we would learn to pick our fights, as Dannii and Co are the World's most famous spinsters really...there's an entire 'archive' on that one, try reading your own family history Dannii.
Oh well, you know I think I was just so overwhelmed that I was nearly the tallest one in the studio that day, what with the company of June, Dannii and Co, and of course my good self...I couldn't see how much of a real fool I was making of not only myself..but also my guests...I mean fancy reminding the entire world that 'Barren Dannii Minogue's' sister Kylie was begging for a boyfriend whilst dying with Cancer...oh well, we were so busy laughing at other people's problems, we didn't stop to realise our own did we now...but It's ok, my name's Dermot, I look like a twat, and well...I'm nearly the same size. (By the way that is actual size on the TV everyone..hey it's a good thing I work on tv isn't it...the can just about squeeze me into the television set)
Well, it's ok...if anyone messes with me about this 'gaff' well I'll just clap in tune with my crap joke, hoping my 'fake' alugh may just conceal everyone's else equally fake laugh (yes, we have to say it's a fake laugh these days, as we don't want to admit that we really find those very lame, and recycled jokes actually really, really funny...especially since I'm Dermot O Leary and well my sense of humour is obviously a cut above the rest...well the people who would watch the shit shows I present anyway, and write in and tell me I'm doing a fabulous job...oh well I think I'm in control...especially when people watch and lie, pretending they think I'm a fabulous TV presenter...just as well really, because obviously you can see I can't do a vary good job without a script and a big Possy)
Bye Bye
Don't worry Raja...I bet your proud we're representing your corner hey Raja? I know your soo happy with us....we're nearly as 'slick' as you. We just don't know what to do since that bitch Shaherazaad has been fighting back..oh well we can pull out a few Paul McCartney interviews as she is obviously a big Stella fan! Aha! See Raja...we'll sort out your issues with her, you just carry on stealing..leave her to us...although do come back, as we really, really are struggling, as it's the Dastard and Mutley effect...and guess who's matching Mutley today? You know Raja you've got to return, as you know since none of us do any work anyway, and well the pay isn't good..we need to get our job satisfaction somehow, and well since we lick your ass, please give us some more reason to do so Raja. ...we need to get the 'balance' right in our lives just like Nihal was suggesting the other day...we're all lost without you.
No comments:
Post a Comment