STOP PRESS! STATE OF WORLDWIDE EMERGENCY! WORLD FALLS PREY TO OPERATION 'SLEEPING SATELLITE - R.E.M'
RayPid Eye Movement : A comatose state one enters when forced to endure listening to Adil Ray for more than three minutes without anything to break-up the time, such as a song, the sound of someone else's voice, a BBC jingle, a text or shout out, or a simple sound effect (a common ploy used on the Adil Ray Show). Exposure to his droning for more than three minutes without a break can cause serious health problems. see health problems, adil ray the twat, the meaning of true boredom, and how to fill a show with shit for three hours by Adil Ray.
The world is in a state of emergency as the forces of darkness have beamed Adil Ray's Newham 'moment/s' to planet earth. This has resulted in a world wide phenomenom, where the world has fallen into a controlled comatose state of narcolepsy. Even animals cannot escape the wrath of Adil's boring Newham moment, and the Animal Kingdom has found itself unable to shield off this state of complete sleep 'saturation' and have found that their arteries have been unable to rid the zzzzz...from their bloodstreams, thus resulting in sleep induced bloodclots, and ultimately for many MASS DEATH.
The bastard aliens found out about the 'source of all darkness and boredom' whilst eavedropping on earth's radiowaves, when they came across his voice one day. They then googled for any evidence of this 'weapon of mass destruction' on YOUTUBE and found the 'Newham' interview. It was all downhill after that, as the Bastard Aliens now have a weapon with very little cure against the entire human race.
Mulder and Scully have been sent to investigate, and the police are currently questioning Sonia Deol to ascertain her level of involvement in this 'conspiratorial plot' against the human race, to see if it really was a genuine mistake, or whether her and 'Darth Vader' on EARTH are really out to get us all, and why? What have we done to deserve this? What was so bad, that we deserve this punsishment?
Questions will be raised about the Balti Broomcupboard Corporation as we speak. Does Sonia's silence in this interview mean she has everybody's blood on her hands? Does her apathy mean she has equal blame for this, if not more blame, as she obviously has more sense than the biggest twat of the earth? Can we cite her as responsible for this tyranny on the earth? Was she part of the plot? Part of the Masterplan? Maybe Darth Vader had been bribing her?Maybe PlebNo1 was slipping a bit of 'black money' into the pigeon hole (no not your mouth Four Eyes, that's another blog says Shaherazaad...I'm not finished with you yet) Was she simply a long suffering woman, who's slience really meant : SOS? Did she leave her 'I'm with this idiot' top at home? Maybe we shall never know? Does it really matter? Are the bastard Aliens laughing there heads off? Were they both duped by the bastard Aliens? Is Adil Ray really Darth Vader's love child, and not Beelzebub, as we previously thought? Maybe he is half alien, and was sent on earth to bore the fuck out of everyone, in order to make the New World Order something we would actually welcome with open arms, just so we could get away from his droning and annoying T shirts for more than 5 minutes? What is really going on in the Taj Mahal of Moseley?
The Reith lectures are being adapted to change these new developments as we speak! The Whitehouse has declared the World as a being trapped 'in a state of emergency', and George Bush has held talks with Osama, so he can lend him a cave that he and Condeleeza can crawl into as the pressure of the new threat to World Peace'(his droning) is simply too much, and anyway, George and Condy have always been fond of Afghan tea anyway. They will all sit in an Afghan cave for a while, and work out a solution to this new 'weapon of mass destruction' and Osama says he knows plenty of ways of staying awake anyway, starting with some of his afghan brew.
We have raised the White Flag but it may be no good. Yes folks there may well be yet ANOTHER interview by the man himself. The nation and the world goes shopping for ear plugs as we speak. And why does Adil Ray bear an extremely strange uncanny likeness to every single Alien picture you will ever google on the internet. Try it and you will see.
We would like to wish the human race the best of luck in this time of deep distress.
Signed
The Journalist from the Big Bastard Corporation for Aliens also known as the B.B.C.(a) the impartial news choice for all Aliens across the Universe.
Those drongo's at Newham Council, if only they hadn't have given him the airtime he soo desperately craves all year long, maybe those bastard Aliens would never have found out how to kill off the human race.
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