Why i lied about the 'punch'

Ok, Ok...yes, I've been lying again haven't I?

Ok here's the full story.

On a cold cold night one december, RajaNo1 was walking and simultaneously stalking...yes, yes I was in West Bromwich again, and yes, she pretended she didn't see me once again, and found the puddle in the pavement amazingly interesting for what seemed like an hour, as usual.

Anyway, this really pissed me off, so I got pissed, and well then went to the club, and Manga punched my lights out, and then I got in the car, and thought I saw Sophie, and crashed my Car into her out of anger and spite, because I had had a bad day, and so therefore that wasn't fair (my bad day that is...keep up Crayola, I can't keep spelling things out you know), the mother of my child deserved to have her legs broken didn't she? But Sophie outdid me as usual and shot out the way, and I really did crash into a mini.

This is my version to the Magistrates Court

Hello your honour, I swear by mighty God that I am 'Mohammad Raja Adil bin (meaning 'son of' in arabic, or if you are hebrew you can turn that into Ben which means the son of in Hebrew, because I'm not an Israelophobe like our boycotting Muslim friends) Laden...humph, I'll start again your honour. xxx (always kisses for sexy girls and people in authority)

Hello your Honour, I swear by almighty God that I am indeed

'Mohammad RajaNo1 Adil Bin Laden Bin Rehman Rameses the IV or the III' ..............and I will speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.

Anyway, your honour one dark misty night, I had some pineapple punch at a Halloween party my mom and her friends had organised. I had some punch, and I didn't know it had any alchohol in it, and well then one thing led to another and Pineapple punch turned into Apple punch, and well because I couldnt take all the debauchery I decided to get out before she offered me some Mango (a) 'punch' as that would be really, really bad. Anyway, turns out Mum's mate Shagufta had the hots for me, and wanted me to take her into her attic dungeon, so she had spiked my drink with the 'devils urine'...but by the time I had time to realise this, a big 'mini' (spot the oxymoron everyone who's studied at Grammar School) came and crashed into my car all by itself. And that's the truth your honour xxx