Green Card Issues

Me and Mummy's dream house, we are bulding one just as we speak in Mosely..my cousin's donkey's Dad's friend knows someone who can get me a good deal on back to back Marble, but we want a British flavour so may add a chimney pot, to fit in with the socialites in Mosely

Hello everyone it's me RajaNo1, the best stalker in town

As you all know, I am really happy like all new 'immigrants' I have just got my new gleaming Green Card, which has just been freshly laminated, and fits perfectly in my wallet...except it's distressing me a little..

well, this is the problem..I want to have my name changed...you see I'm quite ashamed of my name...I mean I just keep changing it

Name no 1: Adam Ray (my I'm really not Asian, even though my features are a distinct indicator of the indiginous people's who reside in the biggest rice paddy region of Bangladesh)..it helped me to get in with all the celebs 'back in the day'

Name No 2: Adil Ray (this is when I started getting Asian 'work')

Name No 3: Adaab Ray (Mummy especially likes this one, as we can pretend we are really posh 'well to do' Pakistani's just like Uncle Sajjad, and quote the finest 'sher o shairi' )(Pakistani poetry which is very sublime) (and impress all the Pakistani socialites in Mosely)

Name No 4: Adhaab Rai (this way I can pretend I have Indo/Pak lineage and then I get more chums: notice a subtle variation on the name Adaab Ray, oh.... the advantages of spell check, and an Urdu dictionary, because Mirpur doesn't have a written language! those illeterates, not like my Giolavinalagaan who can spell blindfolded, especially in the our Sex Dungeon)

Name No 5: Adil Ray again : working for the Balti Network

Name No 6: Mithun!

Name No 7: Skeletor

Name no 8 : Sleazebag (my mate Asjad Nazeer named me this, don't think he really likes me for some reason)

Name No 9: StalkerNo1

Name No 10: RajaNo1

Name No 11: VisionExpress (although this doesn't count as I quickly went and got some laser eye treatment, and now just need to get my faced Botox, before Sheherzaaad brings up the 'you've got saggy cheeks like an old man' joke again! Bitch

Name no 12: Four eyes (because apparently, when I wear my glasses, my eyeballs reflect on the pains of glass..sorry thought I'd spell it out for Frida, as there are only so many pretty pics you can use to break up the text, although I am double spacing in between sentences so that should help her).

But the creme de la creme is my real name :

Drum roll Frida......

The curtains open....

Voila!

The biggest most bombastic name in the whole of Dadyal....

Mohammad Raja Adil Choudary Rehman Dadyal III

See it's not 'really' a problem except for when I'm called into court, where they embarrasingly announce my real name in Public, and every Pakistani Lawyer, Security Guard, will just piss themselves laughing...and the Eastern Eyespy newspaper print out my entire name, and write sarcastic sentences like

Asian Radio 'z' list celeb appears in court this week, charged with crashing his car into a mini (he thought it was Sophie). Adil 32 'real name' Mohammad Raja Adil Choudary Rehman Dadyal III testifies as 'not guilty'.

My name was on the court summons list with all the other 'common' Pakistani's and unfortunately matched every Pakistani taxi driver aged over the age of 52. We are posh Pakistani's now, of 'high' gentry, and this proves to be very embarrasing!! How on earth will I be able to sneer at Shaherazaad now, when my name means that I'm Dadyal's most famous son of a Donkey Shit bucket cleaner...good thing we're in England, as they don't know anything about all this, so as long as I can get 'mummy' some christmas ring tones on her phone all set for christmas (in March)..and I buy a few 'select' T shirts with the British Flag emblazoned on them, nobody will know...Humph, those damn Pakistani socialites of Mosely. So what if you don't accept us if we can't grasp the subtleties of the Urdu language, or can't watch Urdu drama's without subtitles

(the mirpuri's were the first to invent the 'double barrel' name you know, the British learned it from us)

Signed

Nosferatu (xxx Happy Halloween xxxx)