Picture of my dear Bungle. Just add Mascara, lipstick, foundation, earrings, necklaces, ribbons, more lipstick, chains, 1990's high heels, lipgloss, eye shadow, eyebrow pencil, more ribbons, scarves (all shades and hues of pink), headbands, more earrings, necklaces, black nail varnish, braces, glasses, nose rings, wigs, lash extensions, hair extensions, waxing strips (a nice thick one for my eyebrows), some plastic jewels with sellotape, some plastic bags, false eyelashes, some more eyeliner, blusher (powder and also cream), some powder, some more chains that you can stick anywhere with some plastic, flower stems.
Bungle's not my true love, I've going back to Shaherazaad for a few days until she tells me to piss off as per usual


Not content with being the world's greatest pleb, I've decided to try and surpass my own current and 'unbeaten' record of being a true class A pleb.





Shaherazaad has declared her undying love for me once again (she is clearly taking the piss but I can't hear the bullshit tone of her voice)





I don't need you now Bungle. You are dead to me. In fact why don't you just shut up and let me go.





In memory of BUNGLE everyone. May she rest in peace.

Yes, i like imagining things... and this is one of my recent 'triumphs' accroding to my warped and shrinking brain.

In fact why don't I just fock off and die? I never thought of that one really, it's definately something to consider. In the meantime I will just tell BUNGLE to fuck off and die, but these days she is being 'nice'. She doesn't know that Shaherazaad remembers everything, and when the time is right, will beat us with lead sticks...endlessly. Because I am a pleb, i still think Shaherazaad is just 'pretending' to hate me, and is really concealing an undying love for me.

Yes, i definately deserve the title of the World's Greatest Pleb.

Bye bye people,

I'm going to the Jew shop to look at Diamonds I'm too cheap to buy for my current skivvy, and then go home to a nice bowl of soup, and my grandad slippers.

These days all my arrogance has suddenly vanished. I wonder if it's anything to do with Shaherazaad's shock career uprisal. All her visions are coming true, and she claims that there is more, and she has been spookily right everytime, but I'm still to insecure and pathetic to admit that she is AMAZING and that I was clearly 600% WRONG.

WRONG

WRONG

WRONG

Yes, a word people often use beside my name. You know how some people have a title after their name PHD, Doctor of Science. With me the words 'WRONG' and world's greatest pleb are often used.

I am a bastard who likes to break toys. What I didn't foresee was those toys getting up and putting themselves together and then making sure that they spend their lifetime kicking my sorry and very skinny ass.

My life is a piece of shit, Shaherazaad keeps winning, and every time I see the number 7 I can feel myself turning into a pillar of Salt, because I am a pork eating Salman Rushdie who is also an abominable sodomite. And no I can't fuck off and die, because we all know who's going to pick me up and taking me to my final resting place, which will hardly be a resting place, more like a roasting place. The Angels of DEATH are nigh, and I will roast for eternity, on a spit of fire, but it's ok because Bungle says she will be there too to hold my hand. Bungle has a VIP pass anyway, and says she knows all the main players in hell anyway, so it'll be just like the good old days, and we will be there with all of my chums, and Bungle;'s chums. Can't wait actually. It'll be great and God says we can listen to Radio 1 with Chris (who claims he has a lunch of 1 Jammie Dodger and a beer allegedly). I think the altitude has seriously impaired his memory and also sense of judgement in terms of what bullshit he can pass of to the unsuspecting public today, but I don't care because we will be in Hell together too and it will be just lovely. The prospect of us all being together in Hell is soo exciting, and I know we will have endless BARBEQUES in hell.

Oh goodie gum drops!! Bungle promised to make Thai Green Curry everyday for me in Hell, because she says that we will always be together, and our love with last even after death.