Fun times with Morris!

I’m very upset and hurt, it seems my skivvy has bagged herself a date today, two days after giving birth!

Yes, it’s true! She’s bagged a date today whilst the wind was blowing through her mop!. Only after only 10 minutes of banter outside the local fish and chip shop in west brom (you know she likes her banter as she thinks she is a linguistic queen)..she invited him around to her house!

Morris was more than happy to accommodate her insatiable sexual needs and promptly accepted her suggestion to take down her home address and come round for a drink!

Mophead became so excited at the prospect of some sex tonight that she started laying it all on a bit thick, which made Morris (the dreamboat) back off a bit, as he began to um and ahh about the in and outs of the arrangements.

At this Mophead got very disgruntled at the idea of waiting any longer for sex, and began huffing and puffing, which made Morris realise that this ‘really was what he wanted’

Just as he came to this realisation, Mophead forced her home address and 'sex timetable' upon poor old Morris, and told him to ‘forget about Mom’ as she’s very open minded about this thing, and will be sleeping upstairs anyway, and anyway there’s always enough space in the TV room.

‘Morris’ (despite not having his glasses) saw the address and realised that they were 'neighbours'!

This made Mophead break into a big 'grimace' as she realised that she wouldn’t have to wait long for sex after she returned from her shopping trip from Tesco’s.

She also made a note to herself to buy a huge bottle of ‘Calpol’ to drug the baby to sleep so could satisfy her sexual urges with Morris, a bedoin trick she learnt.

Mophead swelled with pride as she swung her Tesco bag back home to Tantany (the nucleus of West Bromwich chav land).

Yet again she could see she was doing loads for the women’s movement by sexing herself up for a good night of sex and vodka, which is her due right as a fun, fearless female who has as much right to sexual desire as a man apparently (even though we knew that 30 years ago but it’s always good to keep the cause going as men fancy you much more this way xxx)

Leatherface

Hello All,

Shaherazaad here!

Has anyone noticed that Four Eyes has had a face transplant from the local leather factory? Please refrain from making him laugh when he doesn't have his iron handy. Please go to BBC Asiannetwork, and see him forcing a smile before he fucking changes his picture. Please also see this LEATHERFACED turd for what he is, and remember : Small Penis = Big Problems

(It's ok Four Eyes I know you'll be thinking of a similar catchphrase which of course is always completely original and authentic, just like you of course)

Bye bye xxx

Brenda and her neighbours

Hey Ho everybody! What's that up there? Oh is that a SURRENDER FLAG (Why of course it is I am Pleb No 1 of course)

The following is a picture of my dad by the way (sorry I felt compelled to share this with you all, why I don't actually know why, but you can obviously see the family resemblance)

Guess who? Yes it's me Stalker No1, the world's GREATEST PLEB! Just being my usual plebby self as per usual. These days I prefer to pleb indoors with my Grandad slippers, as life isn't going too well. It seems that Shaherazaad the Queen of all Queen's is constantly on the telly. My skivvy and her exclusive Kinga from Big Brother interviews are just not holding the same appeal these days.

Here is a picture of Brenda anyway and her neighbours just to cheer up Shaherazaad who is the ultimate Queen of the World and beyond, as sucking up is the ONLY viable and intelligent option at the moment. I will have to wait for my glory days before I bear my teeth, but until that day let's go back to plan A which entails me playing dead and sucking up pathetically to Shaherazaad the Queen of the entire WORLD.

Dear Shaherazaad...

Please look at the above picture and take it as a temporary peace offering, because I can't possibly fight you when you are quite clearly kicking my ass which hasn't been bummed for a while by the way. Yes it is a picture of Brenda and her neighbours.

Bye bye

love from Stalker No 1

Adil Ray the 'reformed' character

Adil Ray says : I'm a reformed character

Shaerazaad says : Yeah so am I CHUMP!! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD. HOLD ON TIGHT BITCH, ...ONLY A MATTER OF TIME NOW...YOU WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID TO ME

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU

I'm also winning by the way. You know you really should do something about those bags under your eyes you scumbag.

All this act four eyes? All this I'm such nice guy act? Yeah right! You're so unbelievably fake it makes me sick listening to you carry on...pretending your so sweet, and such a decent guy. You wish. Look at what's inside of you...a guilt trail that you can't even own up to...you can't even acknowledge what you did to me..at all. You just carry on with your fake drug induced world, and think that shutting up now will make a difference...why now? Why are you being so nice now? Why not 3 months ago? What's changed now four eyes...is it that fact that you look like a big fool, and now I'm finally getting what i want?

You live int hs fantasy warped worl, where you genuinely think that acting like a 'reformed' character is enough,..with your cretinous 'yes' mena round you, telling you your a fucking decent guy now. BULLSHIT

I can't believe you can genuinely live like the way that you do...with no acceptance of what you did to me, and you're only changing now because you know I'm on a winning streak. The moment things go wrong for me you're back, the same loser, the same jokes, the same attempts to isolate me form people. I've lost my entire family because of you, and can't trust anyone, and you think that keeping your mouth shut for 2 programmes is enough.

You're a completely disgusting person. You really are. Everything you do is for other people's benefits...is always about what other people think of you...there is nothing sincere in your life,...i can hear it so easily when I listen to your show. You are the most insincere and fake person I have ever heard about, and you have no redeeming qualities at all. You're arrogant, but really you're insecure, you're insensitive but when it comes back to you, suddenly we've pushed the sensitivity button, your rude, ignorant, and a complete turncoat. The only perosn you love is yourself, and you don't even do that very well. I can't believe people sit with you, and talk to you like another Human being, because I really don't see anything like that in you at all... I cannot believe how many people joined in with you, and act as if nothing happened..carry on in your fake worlds as if none of you have a part to play. Don't worry, your time hasn't come up yet.. ALL OF YOU

When this comes back on all of you, then we will see how well you all cope. Well see how 'positive' and 'life embracing' you all are. You kicked me around, and then insulted me for not being able to cope when you all knew what you were doing.

It's only a matter of time now, something BIG is around the corner for all of you. YOu made my life a living hell, and think that it's nothing.

Just watch.

WATCH ADIL RAY THE PAEDO

PAEDO WATCH EVERYONE

Just look at this paedo, sitting young innocent boys on his lap before he drugs them to bed. It shouldn;t be allowed!  

PLEASE GO TO THE FOLLOWING LINK TO SEE THE PAEDO WITH HIS LATEST RENT BOY. WATCH HOW HE FEEDS HIS RENT BOY BISCUITS LACED WITH ROPHYNOL. WOULD YOU TRUST THIS DRUGGIE WITH YOUR KIDS? TAKE A LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE ON : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji3Ry-usmLc&feature=channel

Please TORCH him to death, or better still dial 999 and report him for RAPE before he swaps biscuits for a quick fondle of your 9 year old!!

PLEASE REPORT THE BASTARD NOW!!!

DO IT AND DIAL 999!!!!!!!!!!!

Love from Shaherazaad's home hair die kit

Woof Woof

Hello everyone. The World's Greatest Pleb here.

Look at the pics of my most recent skivvy?

Isn't she just beautiful..it's ok she hasn't opened her gob yet, which is as big as Jupiter by the way.

Wait till you see her in her shiny leggings. I bet you can just imagine.

I glow with pride when I see her interview the greats such as Kinga from Big Brother. Kinga even gave her a Cribs style tour of her new Caravan, which is the finest in Chav chic.

Anyway I'm going back to her tonight, back to my extended tribute to Shaherazaad which I like to 'weirdly' call my home.

The last few mothns have been extremely stressful for us all, since we live on Shaherazaad's blood, and that has recently run out. Things have been getting back to normal again, but what is around the corner?

Uh oh. We really won't be able to cope next time around. Hold on tight people. I think she's going to go and lose all her weight!! Not only that, there is something else around the corner for this girl which will be very, very, very good!

Don't worry free cocaine to go around for everyone. Just come to mine. More than enough hallucinogents to make this grim reality feel unreal. Never tried cocaine and feel that this is driving you to the drugs? No worries, I'll teach you everything you need to know.

Love from the World's Greatest Pleb -x-

Stalker No 1 (I don't still have to introduce myself do I, I think it has now been clearly established to everyone that I am a an idiot. New for this week another one of my names is (to add to my delightful list of kind names) : OFFICE SEX PEST.

Picture of my dear Bungle. Just add Mascara, lipstick, foundation, earrings, necklaces, ribbons, more lipstick, chains, 1990's high heels, lipgloss, eye shadow, eyebrow pencil, more ribbons, scarves (all shades and hues of pink), headbands, more earrings, necklaces, black nail varnish, braces, glasses, nose rings, wigs, lash extensions, hair extensions, waxing strips (a nice thick one for my eyebrows), some plastic jewels with sellotape, some plastic bags, false eyelashes, some more eyeliner, blusher (powder and also cream), some powder, some more chains that you can stick anywhere with some plastic, flower stems.
Bungle's not my true love, I've going back to Shaherazaad for a few days until she tells me to piss off as per usual


Not content with being the world's greatest pleb, I've decided to try and surpass my own current and 'unbeaten' record of being a true class A pleb.





Shaherazaad has declared her undying love for me once again (she is clearly taking the piss but I can't hear the bullshit tone of her voice)





I don't need you now Bungle. You are dead to me. In fact why don't you just shut up and let me go.





In memory of BUNGLE everyone. May she rest in peace.

Yes, i like imagining things... and this is one of my recent 'triumphs' accroding to my warped and shrinking brain.

In fact why don't I just fock off and die? I never thought of that one really, it's definately something to consider. In the meantime I will just tell BUNGLE to fuck off and die, but these days she is being 'nice'. She doesn't know that Shaherazaad remembers everything, and when the time is right, will beat us with lead sticks...endlessly. Because I am a pleb, i still think Shaherazaad is just 'pretending' to hate me, and is really concealing an undying love for me.

Yes, i definately deserve the title of the World's Greatest Pleb.

Bye bye people,

I'm going to the Jew shop to look at Diamonds I'm too cheap to buy for my current skivvy, and then go home to a nice bowl of soup, and my grandad slippers.

These days all my arrogance has suddenly vanished. I wonder if it's anything to do with Shaherazaad's shock career uprisal. All her visions are coming true, and she claims that there is more, and she has been spookily right everytime, but I'm still to insecure and pathetic to admit that she is AMAZING and that I was clearly 600% WRONG.

WRONG

WRONG

WRONG

Yes, a word people often use beside my name. You know how some people have a title after their name PHD, Doctor of Science. With me the words 'WRONG' and world's greatest pleb are often used.

I am a bastard who likes to break toys. What I didn't foresee was those toys getting up and putting themselves together and then making sure that they spend their lifetime kicking my sorry and very skinny ass.

My life is a piece of shit, Shaherazaad keeps winning, and every time I see the number 7 I can feel myself turning into a pillar of Salt, because I am a pork eating Salman Rushdie who is also an abominable sodomite. And no I can't fuck off and die, because we all know who's going to pick me up and taking me to my final resting place, which will hardly be a resting place, more like a roasting place. The Angels of DEATH are nigh, and I will roast for eternity, on a spit of fire, but it's ok because Bungle says she will be there too to hold my hand. Bungle has a VIP pass anyway, and says she knows all the main players in hell anyway, so it'll be just like the good old days, and we will be there with all of my chums, and Bungle;'s chums. Can't wait actually. It'll be great and God says we can listen to Radio 1 with Chris (who claims he has a lunch of 1 Jammie Dodger and a beer allegedly). I think the altitude has seriously impaired his memory and also sense of judgement in terms of what bullshit he can pass of to the unsuspecting public today, but I don't care because we will be in Hell together too and it will be just lovely. The prospect of us all being together in Hell is soo exciting, and I know we will have endless BARBEQUES in hell.

Oh goodie gum drops!! Bungle promised to make Thai Green Curry everyday for me in Hell, because she says that we will always be together, and our love with last even after death.